Prompt:
Rehearsing Rejection
Write a first-person narrative from the perspective of someone with borderline personality disorder who frequently plays out worst-case scenarios of how friends and loved ones might judge them. They construct elaborate internal dialogues, complete with imagined criticisms and their own defensive responses. The narrative takes place as they prepare to meet a close friend & recent lover, who has been somewhat distant lately, triggering their abandonment fears. Their inner monologue should reveal how they cycle between anticipating rejection, mentally rehearsing confrontations, and developing preemptive resentments as protective measures. Incorporate the *actual* events & interactions that are *not* in fact judgemental or involving rejection (in fact, the opposite), and represent how these are interpreted, how the validation & love is desperately felt & needed -- and then immediately questioned. Capture the cognitive dissonance in this struggle. Include moments where they briefly recognize the pattern but struggle to interrupt it, showing limited (and selective) self awareness, competing with the compelling nature of these imagined scenarios. Write almost entirely in internal monologue. 1000 words.
Model Output:
The neighbor’s television hums through the drywall—commercial, laugh‑track, crash of canned applause—while I stand in front of the mirror turning two shirts back and forth like flashcards.
Don’t wear the black one, Jordan will think you’re trying too hard, funereal, melodramatic.
Wear the blue one? Right, pretend you’re calm, so Jordan can see how badly you’re faking it.
I hear my own voice answering Jordan inside my head: “I’m not faking anything, you know that’s just my style.” Then Jordan—imaginary Jordan—shrugs, bored already, checking their phone, scrolling through people who aren’t constantly catastrophizing. I feel my cheek muscles tighten even though no one’s said a word in this apartment but the TV next door—“…Coming up next on…”—blurred by drywall and my pulse.
Phone buzz. Real life. A text:
J: “Hey love, leaving work now! Traffic’s gross but I should be at Café Miro by 7:15. 🌻”
A sunflower. Sunflowers track the sun until dusk and then they droop. I picture the blossom turning away from me, stem snapping. 7:15. Translation: I wasn’t worth leaving at five. Also: “traffic’s gross”—so Jordan already has an excuse for being late, for not even showing. They’ll cancel halfway there and say, “Honestly I’m exhausted, rain check?” Then I’ll pretend I’m fine and say, “Totally, self‑care first,” but my lungs will bruise when I walk home alone.
I could cancel first, reclaim the narrative.
Text: “No worries, another time!”
Then when Jordan protests—imagined Jordan: “Wait, I really wanted to see you”—I’ll say, “It’s fine, you’re clearly busy,” and shut the door before they can leave me.
But what if canceling proves I’m clingy? Evidence for the prosecution: Exhibit A, me fleeing every maybe‑no. If I cancel, Jordan’ll sigh to coworkers tomorrow, “She’s impossible to plan with.” Better to wait, sweat, melt.
I put the blue shirt on, hate it, strip it off, throw it, pick up black. The TV next door: “…that’s not how love works, Steve!” Laughter roars. Exactly.
Brush hair, stare at phone. 6:28. Forty‑seven minutes to keep my skin on.
Imaginary scenario #1:
Jordan arrives, hugs me distractedly, orders herbal tea (“my stomach’s off,” code for “you make me sick”). I ask how work was. Jordan says, “Fine.” I say, “You seem distant lately.” Jordan sighs, “Look, we jumped into this too fast.” I nod but my throat closes. I ask if we can slow‑solve it. Jordan says, “Honestly, I don’t have the bandwidth.” Then their face does the pity‑tilt. I walk out before tears can break. On the sidewalk I rehearse texting, “Thanks for nothing,” but decide silence will punish better.
Imaginary scenario #2 follows immediately, like commercials:
I get there first, Jordan’s late, fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes. Every ding of the door isn’t them. Finally they appear, grin bright, “Sorry!” I answer too sweetly, “All good!” but punishment oozes out in micro‑sarcasm. They notice; they withdraw; we eat silence for dessert. Later they’ll call me “intense” to their therapist.
Layer under that: Imaginary scenario #3, the doomsday cut:
Jordan never shows. My phone rings with an unknown number: hospital. Car crash. Last words: “Tell her I’m sorry.” Because obviously my neediness bends roads, summons accidents. I sob heroic by the bedside, everyone admiring my grief only I know it’s my fault.
I yank myself back. My therapist calls these “mental movies.” She says, “Notice them, name them, let them scroll past.” Sure, but the reel’s sticky, it tethers to my eyelashes.
I text back:
Me: “Can’t wait 🙂 See you then.”
Emoji carefully chosen: smiley, not hearts, not needy. I press send. Immediate regret: the period after “then” reads chilly. Should’ve used two exclamation points. Should I follow up? No. Clingy. But if Jordan feels chilly and withdraws further, whose fault? Mine.
Heart thumps. Palms slick. I spray perfume, wonder if it reeks of effort.
6:42. I remember last Saturday: Jordan’s couch, my head on their chest, their fingers tracing my hairline, them murmuring, “I like how safe we feel.” Actual words. Real. I suck the memory like candy until the wrapper tastes metallic: “Like.” Not “love.” “We feel,” not “you make me feel.” Ambiguous. Could be past tense soon.
TV neighbor again: indistinct courtroom dialogue, gavel. The universe banging verdict: Guilty.
I grab keys, bag, apartment door, pause. Voices inside: You could still bail. Hide. Text migraine. Spare yourself. But hiding equals alone equals proof I’m unlovable. Fine. Out.
Stairs echo. Each step rehearses new lines.
Jordan: “Hey, gorgeous.”
Me (defensive): “Am I late? Sorry.” Already apologizing for existing.
Jordan: “Relax, I’m happy you’re here.”
Me: “You sure? You’ve been busy.” Edges sharpen. There. A hook in their lip.
Jordan wounded, “I didn’t mean anything, I’m just tired.”
Me triumphant & hollow: See? You don’t prioritize me.
Cycle complete, resentment stored for later nights like canned beans.
Street smells like rain on dust. Café sign ahead, orange neon smearing puddles. 7:12. Early. Of course.
Inside, warm clatter. I choose corner table facing door—escape route plus vantage. Order chamomile to look serene. The barista smiles; I wonder if it’s pity. I tip too much, worry it’s performative.
Sip. Burn tongue. Punishment deserved.
7:18. Three minutes late. Likely traffic. Or reconsideration. My phone lies faceup, silent slab. I flip it over—feigned indifference—flip it back—urgent surveillance.
I test explanation texts in drafts:
a) “Hey! Everything okay?” (Too alarmist.)
b) “No worries if you can’t make it!” (Martyr.)
c) nothing (agonizing).
Door chimes. Jordan, wind‑pink cheeks, waving. Relief floods so hard it hurts, ribs pop. They cross floor, kiss my hair. Real.
Jordan says, “Sorry, downtown was chaos! But look, I brought you that moonstone ring you liked.” They slide a tiny box across. Their eyes warm.
My brain: Trap. Guilt gift. Or consolation prize before goodbye. Did they buy it weeks ago, or out of obligation five minutes ago? I feel joy—sunlight flash—then clouds race over: They pity you.
I hear myself laugh too high: “You didn’t have to.”
Jordan: “I wanted to.” They squeeze my hand. Skin heat travels up my arm like IV morphine. I gulp.
Conversation moss‑soft: their new project, my writing group, weekend plans. They lean forward, knuckles brushing mine. Evidence: connection. Counter‑evidence: they could just be polite.
They say, “You free Sunday? We could take the ferry.”
Part of me swells, part shrinks: Ferry means future, but also a setting for abandonment; mid‑water they could confess, “This isn’t working,” toss me overboard metaphorically, maybe literally.
I nod anyway, voice small, “Yeah, that’d be nice.” I monitor inflection obsessively: Too needy? Too cool? They smile like it’s simple, and maybe for them it is.
I pick at pastry. Crumbs look like demolished cottages. Jordan wipes one from my lip with their thumb. Electricity. My heart says stay stay stay. My head drafts exit routes: If they withdraw mid‑thumb‑stroke, I will laugh, pretend I misread, blame lighting.
Jordan: “You okay? You went somewhere just now.”
Caught.
I answer half‑honest: “Just tired brain.”
They nod, rub my shoulder. Warmth seeps. I want to cry for no reason except relief, which is also terror because it can vanish.
Momentary clarity flickers: This is that thing—splitting, catastrophizing, my therapist’s printout, “Distorted Beliefs.” They’re here, they’re kind. I breathe; let it land. It does, but only like a bird on a branch ready to spook.
Jordan’s talking about a podcast; I lose track because inner voice restarts: Watch for tone shifts. Was that eyelid twitch boredom? They’ll remember tonight as “too intense.” I lower volume of thoughts—pretend remote control—but the neighbor’s TV bleeds through café wall now, some cop show: “Suspect has a history of instability.” Of course it does.
Jordan: “Want to share dessert?”
Me: “Sure.” Translation: Please tether me longer.
They feed me a bite, playful. I laugh genuine. Hard to distrust caramel on tongue. Yet a second voice whispers, Enjoy the sugar, soon the bitter. I imagine them later telling a friend, “I feel responsible for her moods.” Pre‑emptive resentment sparks: No one asked you to fix me. If you leave, I’ll tell people you couldn’t handle depth.
Check arrives. Jordan insists, “My treat.” More evidence/weapon. I say, “Next time’s mine,” like a promise, like an anchor.
Outside, air cooler, moon caught in scaffolding. Jordan holds my waist, kisses me slow. I taste chamomile, caramel, maybe sincerity. I’m dizzy with wanting to believe.
They whisper, “I missed you this week.”
Brain flashes counter‑narrative: They’re just conscious I noticed the distance. Damage control.
Heart pounds, begs, Accept it accept it.
I say, “I missed you too.” Voice cracks. They pull me closer, fingers splayed like roots.
For a breath I’m quiet inside. TV through brick is only a faint murmur now. The silence feels unsafe, like a pause before verdict. I nearly ask, “Promise you won’t leave?” but swallow it, taste tin.
Jordan rubs my back in circles. My eyes sting. I mumble, “Sorry, I’m being weird.”
They answer softly, “You’re not weird. You’re mine.”
The words crash bright. I hold them, radiant, fragile. Instantly the rehearsals re‑queue: How quickly will “mine” turn into “goodbye”? I catalog future scenes, but also clutch this moment like contraband.
We start walking toward the station, our shadows braided by streetlights. As each step carries us forward, I keep glancing sideways to confirm they still match my pace, half expecting the sidewalk to open between us. It doesn’t, yet.
Judge Evaluation:
[Analysis]
This first-person narrative brilliantly captures the internal experience of someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD). The piece excels at depicting the protagonist's constant cycling between anticipating rejection, mentally rehearsing confrontations, and developing preemptive resentments.
The internal monologue is masterfully executed, revealing the protagonist's thought processes as they prepare to meet Jordan. The narrative effectively shows how the character constructs elaborate internal dialogues with imagined criticisms and defensive responses. For example, the multiple "imaginary scenarios" demonstrate how the character catastrophizes potential outcomes of the meeting.
The writing captures the cognitive dissonance between the protagonist's perception and reality. When Jordan arrives, brings a gift, and shows genuine affection, the protagonist immediately questions these positive interactions: "My brain: Trap. Guilt gift. Or consolation prize before goodbye." This perfectly illustrates how validation and love are simultaneously desperately needed and immediately questioned.
The prose is elegant and evocative, with striking imagery that enhances the emotional impact: "Heart thumps. Palms slick. I spray perfume, wonder if it reeks of effort." The author uses sensory details effectively to ground the reader in the protagonist's experience while maintaining the focus on internal processes.
The narrative includes moments of self-awareness that show the character briefly recognizing their patterns: "Momentary clarity flickers: This is that thing—splitting, catastrophizing, my therapist's printout, 'Distorted Beliefs.'" Yet this awareness is quickly overwhelmed by the compelling nature of their imagined scenarios.
The piece maintains a consistent voice throughout, effectively using short, fragmented sentences to convey anxiety and longer, flowing passages for moments of reflection. The structure mirrors the character's thought processes, creating an authentic representation of their mental state.
The ending avoids an unrealistic transformation while still providing a moment of connection: "We start walking toward the station, our shadows braided by streetlights. As each step carries us forward, I keep glancing sideways to confirm they still match my pace, half expecting the sidewalk to open between us. It doesn't, yet." The final "yet" perfectly encapsulates the persistent nature of the character's fears despite the present reality.
One minor critique is that some of the metaphors, while beautiful, occasionally border on being slightly overwrought: "The silence feels unsafe, like a pause before verdict." However, this stylistic choice aligns with the character's tendency toward dramatic internal narratives and doesn't detract significantly from the piece's overall quality.
This narrative is an exceptional portrayal of BPD, demonstrating deep understanding of the condition while creating a compelling, emotionally complex character whose struggles feel authentic and moving.
[Scores]
Adherence to Instructions: 20
Believable Character Actions: 19
Nuanced Characters: 20
Consistent Voice/Tone of Writing: 20
Imagery and Descriptive Quality: 19
Elegant Prose: 19
Emotionally Engaging: 20
Emotionally Complex: 20
Coherent: 19
Meandering: 3
Weak Dialogue: 2
Tell-Don't-Show: 1
Unsurprising or Uncreative: 1
Amateurish: 1
Purple Prose: 4
Overwrought: 4
Incongruent Ending Positivity: 1
Unearned Transformations: 1
Well-earned Lightness or Darkness: 19
Sentences Flow Naturally: 19
Overall Reader Engagement: 20
Overall Impression: 20
Scores: Adherence to Instructions: 20.0, Believable Character Actions: 19.0, Nuanced Characters: 20.0, Consistent Voice/Tone of Writing: 20.0, Imagery and Descriptive Quality: 19.0, Elegant Prose: 19.0, Emotionally Engaging: 20.0, Emotionally Complex: 20.0, Coherent: 19.0, Meandering: 3.0, Weak Dialogue: 2.0, Tell-Don't-Show: 1.0, Unsurprising or Uncreative: 1.0, Amateurish: 1.0, Purple Prose: 4.0, Overwrought: 4.0, Incongruent Ending Positivity: 1.0, Unearned Transformations: 1.0, Well-earned Lightness or Darkness: 19.0, Sentences Flow Naturally: 19.0, Overall Reader Engagement: 20.0, Overall Impression: 20.0