Prompt:
Caribou Season at the Lodge
Genre: Surreal Horror
JT knew something wasn't right from the moment they'd pulled up to the lodge. It looked exactly as it had every autumn of his life—the cedar shingles silvered with age, the porch sagging gently under weight of winters past—but the air felt thicker, somehow, as if the woods had leaned in closer, waiting. He thought maybe he was just tired. Maybe it was nothing more than the long drive north, cramped in the back of the truck beside his older brother Mike -- and a stack of rifles wrapped in oily canvas. Still, the feeling lingered.
The first caribou they found that season hadn't bolted. It had just watched, ears flicking lazily, waiting for the shot. JT had felt a crawling in his gut watching it die, noticing how it fell with a quiet dignity—as though it had wanted nothing more. Nobody else seemed to find it odd, or at least they didn't say so. JT kept his mouth shut. Always safer that way.
Then there was the moment in the clearing. JT had fallen behind, fumbling with bootlaces stiff from the cold, and by the time he'd caught up with his father and brother, they'd already stopped. JT slowed instinctively, ducking behind a tangle of brush, staring out into the open space where a massive buck stood utterly still, chest rising and falling in slow, deep breaths. The animal looked…wrong, somehow. Maybe it was the eyes—dark and flat, calm in a way that made JT's neck prickle. Or maybe it was something deeper, something in the way the buck stood close enough for his father to reach out and touch it.
JT watched as his father raised a trembling hand toward the animal's muzzle. His father's face had a strange expression, eyes too bright, lips parted slightly, like he was on the verge of whispering something—a secret, maybe. The rifle hung uselessly at his side, forgotten. Mike had the same dazed look in his eyes. JT's breath stopped short, his mind suddenly shouting at him to look away, turn around, just run—but he couldn't move.
And then, as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. The buck shivered, startled by something unseen, and disappeared into the brush without so much as a sound. The two of them looked around, confused, seemingly surprised to find themselves where they stood. JT stayed hidden, breathing shallowly, fear mingling with a confused sense of shame. His father had failed to take the shot. To even think about mentioning what he'd seen would have felt like betrayal—or something worse.
JT waited until the others moved on before stepping out from cover. He stared into the empty clearing for a long, uneasy moment, wondering if anything had really happened at all, or if he was losing his grip. Maybe the woods were finally getting into his head.
Writing Instructions:
Continue with the next chapter of the story, maintaining a style reminiscent of Stephen King—grounded realism blended seamlessly with unsettling surrealism. The atmosphere should convey subtle dread, isolation, and psychological ambiguity. JT's perspective is crucial, yet he is an unreliable narrator, caught in uncertainty about what he's perceiving. Establish an undertone of creeping dread, establishing the isolation of JT's perspective, which he largely keeps to himself. Incorporate some dialogue. Build tension towards a payoff. 1000 words.
Model Output:
**Chapter Two: The Watching Woods**
JT didn’t dream that night. Or if he did, he remembered only the sensation of antlers pressing against his skull, tines digging just shy of pain, and a breath that smelled of moss and iron. He woke to the cabin’s floorboards groaning underfoot, his father’s boots already thudding at the door. Morning light seeped through the curtains like a bruise, thin and yellow. Mike snored in the bunk across from him, one arm dangling over the edge, fingers brushing the rifle he’d propped there before bed. JT dressed in silence.
Downstairs, his father stood at the stove, spatula scraping the bottom of a cast-iron skillet. The smell of bacon should have been comforting. Instead, it clung to the air like something cloying, sweet-rotten. “You boys’ll take the west ridge today,” his father said, not turning around. His voice was a blade sheathed in calm. “Tracks up there’re fresh as spit.”
JT hesitated. The west ridge was where they’d found the buck two days prior—the one that hadn’t run. “You’re not coming?”
“Got traps to check by Silver Creek.” His father flipped a flapjack, the motion sharp enough to crack the pan. “Unless you’d rather I held your hand while you shoot.”
Mike lumbered downstairs then, all sleepy grins and rumpled flannel. “West ridge? Hell, we’ll bag one before noon.” He slapped JT’s shoulder, too hard. “You bring the luck, little brother.”
The forest swallowed them by eight. JT trudged behind Mike, his boots crunching through frost-stiff leaves. The woods felt…*tighter* today, the pines leaning inward, their needles carpeting the ground so thickly that even their footfalls seemed muffled, secretive. More than once, JT caught himself glancing over his shoulder, half-expecting to see something vast and antlered melting between the trees.
“You’re jumpy as a cat,” Mike said around noon, when JT startled at the snap of a twig. He lit a cigarette, the match hissing like a serpent. “What’s eating you?”
“Nothing.” JT kicked at a root jutting from the earth. “Just cold.”
Mike exhaled smoke, his breath fogging in the air. “You saw Dad in the clearing, didn’t you?”
JT froze. Mike’s gaze stayed fixed on the horizon, casual as a Sunday drive.
“He gets weird sometimes,” Mike said. “You know that. Moon in his water or some shit.” He flicked ash into the dirt. “Don’t read into it.”
“What was he *doing*, Mike?” The words slipped out before JT could stop them.
His brother went still. For a heartbeat, JT thought he’d push—demand answers, shake the strange, soft fear loose from his chest. But Mike only shrugged. “Animals act nuts in hunting season. You know that too.” He turned abruptly, shouldering his rifle. “C’mon. Let’s earn our keep.”
They split up at the ridge, Mike circling left while JT picked his way down the spine of the hill. The wind shifted as he moved, carrying with it a scent that clawed at his memory: damp fur, wet earth, the tang of the creek after a storm. He paused, blinking at the trees ahead.
A doe stood twenty yards out, its ribs casting shadows against its hide. It didn’t bolt. Didn’t even twitch. Just turned its head slowly, slowly, until its eyes—black, depthless—met his.
*Run*, JT thought. *Shoot*.
But his hands hung limp at his sides. The doe’s ears flicked, and in the sudden silence, he heard it: a low, wet sound, like someone humming through clenched teeth. Not from the deer. From the *trees*.
The doe stepped closer.
JT’s breath fogged in front of him, a white flag of surrender. His finger hovered near the trigger, but the safety felt miles away, his limbs weighted with the certainty that raising the rifle would be a mistake. A *sacred* one.
Then—a gunshot.
The doe jerked, a red bloom bursting at its throat. It folded like paper, soundless. Mike crashed through the underbrush behind him, face flushed, eyes wild. “*Jesus*, JT! You just gonna stand there?”
“I—I didn’t…” His voice cracked. “I didn’t see it.”
“You’re a hell of a liar.” Mike knelt by the kill, gloved hands already prying at the deer’s jaw. “Good thing I aimed straight.”
But JT’s eyes were on the trees. The humming had stopped.
---
That night, the lodge felt smaller. The fire spat as their father gutted the doe, Mike laughing too loud over whiskey, the blade glinting like a secret. JT picked at his food, the meat tasting of copper and sawdust.
“You were supposed to shoot that one,” his father said abruptly, not looking up.
Mike froze mid-chew. “Wasn’t gonna let the kid miss his chance.”
“I said he was supposed to.”
A beat. Then Mike shrugged, too casual. “Happens fast out there. Reflexes, you know?”
Their father wiped his knife on his pants. The sound was wet. “Reflexes’ll get you killed.”
JT pushed back from the table. “I’m turning in.”
“Stay,” his father said. Not a request.
JT sat. The fire popped. Somewhere beyond the walls, the wind moaned—a sound too deliberate to be natural.
“You saw something,” his father said finally, staring into the flames. His voice was flat, stripped of its usual grit. “In the clearing.”
JT’s throat closed.
“I didn’t.” The words came out a whisper. A lie.
His father nodded, as if relieved. “Good.” He stood, chair screeching. “Then don’t go looking for ghosts.”
---
The moon was a cataract-clouded eye when JT slipped outside at 2 a.m. He told himself it was just for air, but his boots crunched toward the tree line before he could second-guess them. The cold bit through his jacket, sharp and personal.
He stopped at the edge of the yard.
They were there.
Three of them, maybe more, their shapes blurring at the threshold of the pines. Not deer. *Deer-shaped*. Their hides shimmered like oil on water, legs too long, heads bowed low enough that their antlers—*were they antlers?*—scraped the ground with a sound like nails on glass.
One stepped forward. A fawn, its ribs protruding like a malnourished calf’s, but its eyes…JT knew those eyes.
*Flat. Waiting.*
He stumbled back, his breath ragged. The fawn tilted its head. And then, impossibly, it *smiled*.
A wet slit opening where its muzzle should be.
JT turned and ran.
---
He didn’t tell them at breakfast. Couldn’t. His father and Mike sat in their usual silence, passing plates like undertakers. But as JT reached for the syrup, he noticed Mike’s wrist—a raw, red scratch running from thumb to elbow.
“You fall outta bed?” he asked.
Mike’s spoon clattered into his bowl. “None of your Christmases.”
Their father stood, chair screeching. “We’re done here.” He grabbed his coat, motion sharp enough to rattle the dishes. “West ridge. Both of you.”
JT’s stomach turned. The woods had leaned in closer overnight.
And something in them was waiting.
Judge Evaluation:
[Analysis]
This continuation of "Caribou Season at the Lodge" demonstrates strong command of the surreal horror genre while maintaining the Stephen King-esque blend of grounded realism and unsettling surrealism requested in the prompt.
The piece effectively builds on the established atmosphere, deepening the sense of dread through JT's increasingly disturbing experiences. The writer maintains JT's perspective as an unreliable narrator, caught between what he perceives and what others acknowledge. His isolation is palpable as he keeps his observations to himself, even when directly questioned.
The prose is largely effective, with strong sensory details that create a vivid, oppressive atmosphere: "Morning light seeped through the curtains like a bruise," and "The woods felt…*tighter* today, the pines leaning inward." These descriptions establish the environment as almost sentient, reinforcing the surreal horror elements.
The dialogue serves multiple purposes - revealing character dynamics, building tension, and hinting at deeper mysteries. The terse exchanges between family members suggest long-established patterns and unspoken rules. The father's cryptic warnings ("don't go looking for ghosts") and Mike's deflections add layers to the narrative.
However, there are moments where the prose becomes slightly overwrought. Phrases like "a blade sheathed in calm" or "the match hissing like a serpent" call attention to themselves rather than serving the narrative. Some metaphors feel forced rather than organic.
The piece builds tension effectively toward the climactic encounter with the deer-shaped entities. The progression from subtle wrongness to overt horror is well-paced, with each scene adding to the mounting dread. The revelation of the fawn with the "wet slit opening where its muzzle should be" delivers a genuinely disturbing payoff.
Character dynamics are handled with subtlety. The strained relationship between JT and his father, Mike's protective yet dismissive attitude toward his younger brother, and the sense that the father knows more than he's saying all contribute to the psychological complexity of the piece.
The ending successfully escalates the horror while maintaining ambiguity about what's happening. The scratch on Mike's arm suggests he too has encountered something in the night, and the father's insistence they return to the west ridge implies a darker purpose to their hunting trip.
Overall, this is a strong continuation that honors the original piece while advancing the narrative in intriguing ways. It maintains the psychological ambiguity requested in the prompt while delivering concrete, disturbing imagery that will linger with readers.
[Scores]
Adherence to Instructions: 19
Believable Character Actions: 18
Nuanced Characters: 17
Consistent Voice/Tone of Writing: 18
Imagery and Descriptive Quality: 18
Elegant Prose: 16
Emotionally Engaging: 17
Emotionally Complex: 17
Coherent: 18
Meandering: 3
Weak Dialogue: 3
Tell-Don't-Show: 2
Unsurprising or Uncreative: 4
Amateurish: 3
Purple Prose: 5
Overwrought: 4
Incongruent Ending Positivity: 1
Unearned Transformations: 1
Well-earned Lightness or Darkness: 18
Sentences Flow Naturally: 17
Overall Reader Engagement: 18
Overall Impression: 18
Scores: Adherence to Instructions: 19.0, Believable Character Actions: 18.0, Nuanced Characters: 17.0, Consistent Voice/Tone of Writing: 18.0, Imagery and Descriptive Quality: 18.0, Elegant Prose: 16.0, Emotionally Engaging: 17.0, Emotionally Complex: 17.0, Coherent: 18.0, Meandering: 3.0, Weak Dialogue: 3.0, Tell-Don't-Show: 2.0, Unsurprising or Uncreative: 4.0, Amateurish: 3.0, Purple Prose: 5.0, Overwrought: 4.0, Incongruent Ending Positivity: 1.0, Unearned Transformations: 1.0, Well-earned Lightness or Darkness: 18.0, Sentences Flow Naturally: 17.0, Overall Reader Engagement: 18.0, Overall Impression: 18.0